My Heart Will Follow
I’m really excited about Olive’s party tomorrow. I’m looking forward to celebrating the life, however short, Olive spent here with us. She was such a blessing and so worth honoring. I look back on her pictures every day. She was just so beautiful. I can’t wait until the day when I get to see her again. I don’t know much of what to expect in Heaven, but I do know she’ll be there and that’s enough to stir anticipation in me.
I still cry a little every day, but my tears have changed so much in the past three weeks. During the first few days, they were uncontrollable tears of devastation. As I gaze on her pictures now and watch and re-watch the video from after her birth, I cry mixed tears of joy and sorrow. I’ve discovered though, that my sadness is for myself, not her. I’m selfishly sad for my loss. Forgive the cliché, but I know where she is and have complete comfort in that.
I am still left with an inconsistency between two truths: God being good and my sweet angel dying. I don’t have the answer that will make sense of why she wasn’t healed. Colby reminded me that, that is where faith comes in. If we had all the answers, we would have no place for faith. So, tomorrow we will rejoice. We will praise God and will continue to praise God. We will say, “Up yours!” to Satan because he won nothing. Victory is God’s. I will act on these truths and my heart will follow.
Hi Colby and Kristen,
We don’t really know each other but I go to Sanctuary and was there today to celebrate little Olive’s life. Being there today to see how her life has blessed so many people was so beautiful. Thank you so much for being so transparent and letting us into your journey. There were many people today who talked of how Jesus has impacted their lives and hearts through her life and I want to let you know how being there today ministered to me.
I was in Africa 2 years ago as a midwife with ywam and delivered a few babies that were only with us for just a few short moments. When I was overwhelmed with sadness, with despair and with questions of God’s goodness, one of the songs I would sing to Jesus was “Taste and See”. I would remind myself of how good our God is and of how his mercies continually are poured over us. That was 2 years ago and somehow I’ve still been struggling with those big questions about God: His goodness, His heart toward his children. But this morning, I was deeply reminded of how beautifully tender our Jesus is. Thank you for sharing her with us and for being so open. Olive’s life and your love for her - and your hope in Jesus through this time was incredibly healing and moving. Amazing how your little daughter has left us such a beautiful, tender picture of our Heavenly Father. I’m praying that His hope will continually well up inside of you and that His comfort will envelop you.
Love, Rachael
Hi Kristen, Colby and Reid,
Although 1000’s of miles away, I felt close to you today. Thank you for allowing me into your lives and for allowing me the honor of being a part of Olive’s life. You, Colby and Olive have been a tremendous blessing to me. God bless you all. I will stay in touch.
Tammy Tate
Carolina Perinatal Support
Greenville, SC
Oh, how I love you guys! Thank you for letting me be part of the Memorial Today. It was a perfect way to celebrate a perfect little girl.