Reid
I recently made a connection with someone all the way in England who has found me through this blog, which is pretty cool since I considered this blog to have been just floating around in cyberspace, forgotten. Sadly, our connection is because the baby she’s carrying has also been diagnosed with Potter’s Syndrome/Sequence. She has older children and therefore has the difficult decision to make of how and when to tell them, which got me thinking about Reid.
She inspired a conversation I had with Reid, asking him if he remembered Olive. He said “yeah” but couldn’t give me specifics. So, I showed him her photo album and told him about how she was only here for a short time and then went to Heaven. I told him how much we missed her, but we knew we would see her in heaven. He humored me, but mostly just made it clear that he was disappointed I hadn’t gotten the Star Wars pop-up book off the shelf instead!
That had, however, initiated conversations between Reid and me about heaven over the following couple weeks. I contemplated whether or not I wanted to hold off on the subject of death. He is only three. Would I be robbing him of his right to be carefree? No, I decided. I want my kids to grow up understanding that this life and the world around us is temporary. There’s more. So, when I was buckling him into his car seat the other day and he asked me if he could go to God’s house, I explained, ”Yes, you could. When you die, if you have given your life to Jesus, then you will get to go to God’s house.
“When I die?” he asked innocently.
“Yes,” I answered. ”We’re all going to die. We’re only here for a little while and then we’ll get to be with God in heaven, His house. Mom and Dad will be going there and Olive is already there. She was only here for a little while and now she’s with God.”
He seemed to be following me. ”At God’s house?” he asked.
“Yes! Heaven!” I responded.
“Will He take me to the farm?” he asked sincerely.
“I’m pretty sure He would love to.” I answered.
You are such a good mama. I remember sitting on the bed with
tiny Rowan swaddled in one arm and Duncan snuggled in the other while
explaining to him very simply what had happened. We’ve begun the
short talks about death, too, when we found a dead animal
recently. He has heard me talk about Rowan a lot with the anniversary
last month. So, he’s been asking about her. He has been thinking
about it and decided that Rowan needs to be in the sky to fly and
someone else will be his little sister. It’s incredibly
healing to hear truth from a 3yo.
Gosh guys I cry every time I read this blog & especially
when I see the pics again. You all are so brave and you
write so beautifully. You handle Olive’s life & death
so honestly, I have great admiration. It is a beautiful
thing to talk to Reid of death. It is not something to be
feared per se, just a fact of life. You are great parents
to your three babies. Much Love
Meadow