Olive’s Blog

Here are links to the slideshows that were shown today:

Olive’s Slideshow by Adobe Vision
Olive’s slideshow by Deb Wat or try this link

In closing, a letter to my girl:

All in all, it was a beautiful day.

I’m really excited about Olive’s party tomorrow.  I’m looking forward to celebrating the life, however short, Olive spent here with us.  She was such a blessing and so worth honoring.  I look back on her pictures every day.  She was just so beautiful.  I can’t wait until the day when I get to see her again.  I don’t know much of what to expect in Heaven, but I do know she’ll be there and that’s enough to stir anticipation in me. 

I still cry a little every day, but my tears have changed so much in the past three weeks.   During the first few days, they were uncontrollable tears of devastation.  As I gaze on her pictures now and watch and re-watch the video from after her birth, I cry mixed tears of joy and sorrow.  I’ve discovered though, that my sadness is for myself, not her.  I’m selfishly sad for my loss.  Forgive the cliché, but I know where she is and have complete comfort in that. 

I am still left with an inconsistency between two truths:  God being good and my sweet angel dying.  I don’t have the answer that will make sense of why she wasn’t healed.  Colby reminded me that, that is where faith comes in.  If we had all the answers, we would have no place for faith.  So, tomorrow we will rejoice.  We will praise God and will continue to praise God.  We will say, “Up yours!” to Satan because he won nothing.  Victory is God’s.  I will act on these truths and my heart will follow.

Does it need to be said that I wouldn’t rather have my daughter in my arms today?  Do I really need to convince myself of that?  I have never in my life experienced such an explosion of polar opposite emotions all within just a few hours.  I have never had faith that could move mountains followed so closely by doubt, to then be accompanied with peace, joy, tears and laughter.  To experience such conflicting extremes has given rise to some amazing mysteries that reside in the God I have put so much trust in.

The mysteries…

Can you solve the mysteries of God?  Can you discover everything about the Almighty?

Job 11: 7

He uncovers mysteries hidden in darkness; he brings light to the deepest gloom.

Job 12: 22

How can we find peace in questions, in mysteries not being solved…  I don’t have any idea, however we have.  If there was any time to question the goodness of God, it would be now.  I wish I could tell you all of the hopes that I had for my daughter Olive.  The day I will never have of walking her down the aisle to her waiting and expecting husband, teaching her to ride a bike, letting her dress me up, paint my nails and put lipstick on me…   

My sweet Olive never made a mistake, never had the chance to error.  Never held hatred in her heart, never looked upon others with contempt, with envy nor became greedy, lusting after her own desire despite how it may affect others.  She also never had the chance to brighten someone’s day with a smile, to open the door for a stranger, to tell someone that she loved them.

She was in my best estimates as perfect as she could possibly be yet was never given the chance to live a life full of choices and opportunity which so many of us take for granted.  I am humbled that despite her perceived perfection she was taken while I and everyone who hears this has a life full of choices and opportunity everyday. 

We have life…  What do we intend to do with it?  I refuse to spend days here running in circles with unanswerable questions, holding grudges against a God that I will never fully comprehend or be angry toward those of us who are lucky enough to still be here.  I will ask forgiveness to those I have hurt, and make every effort to mend anything I have broken.  Most of all I intend on using my life to express my gratefulness to the God who has given life to me. 

The celebration will be held in the chapel with a reception to follow in the courtyard.

Childcare will be available from 11:00 a.m. to 1:00.  Just send an email to Renee Travers at reneet@cornerstoneweb.org to RSVP, including your name, your childrens names and ages.

CLICK HERE for directions.

Also, please see our request for donations in lieu of flowers in the 11/26 post below.  Thank you!!

Her Daddy…

Her Mama… 

Or her Big Brother?

noon (changed to 11:00 a.m.), in the Cornerstone chapel in Livermore.  We would love to give people time to briefly share how Olive’s short, but significant life has touched theirs, so if you’re interested in speaking, please let me know.  Thank you!
 

(Music by Brian & Jenn Johnson)

Although the last couple nights’ sleep have been preceded and followed by uncontrollable crying, I am sleeping through the night.  My puffy eyes and red nose are reminiscent of the days that followed the moment we received Olive’s prognosis in August.  I’m reliving those days, finding that I’m always either crying, trying to stop crying, or trying not to start again. 

Kim told me not to be ashamed, reminding me that I haven’t yet “come out of this,” that I’m still in the midst of it.   That gives me hope.

…we are asking for donations in Olive’s honor to be sent to any of the following non-profit organizations:

• The Livermore Pregnancy Resource Center 

The LPRC is a local organization that provides practical services relating to a pregnancy, child bearing, or relationships.  Tina Harrell, a friend of ours and the founder of the LPRC, has been of great emotional and spiritual support to us throughout this journey.  Colby’s mom also serves on the LPRC’s Board of Directors. 

For information regarding donationating to the LPRC, CLICK HERE. 

Thank you so much, Tina, for experiencing everything right beside us.  Love you! 

• Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

NILMDTS is an organization of volunteer photographers who donate their time, talent and services to provide remembrance photography to families in situations like ours.  The NILMDTS foundation is there for parents and families to help aid them in their healing, bring hope to their future, and honor to their child. 

For information regarding donationaring to the NILMDTS Foundation, CLICK HERE.

Deb, thank you so much for dropping everything to be there for us.  Your photos will be so treasured by us until we can hold our little girl again in Heaven.

• Carolina Perinatal Support Network

The CPSN provides a bridge of support for families experiencing an adverse perinatal diagnosis.  Through practical guidance, education, and compassionate support, they help to relieve the emotional suffering while preserving the dignity and integrity of the family as they make meaningful plans to honor the life of their baby.

You can donate to the CPSN by sending a *check to:

Attn: Tammy Tate
Carolina Perinatal Support Network
P.O. Box 5673
Greenville, SC 29606

* You may include a note that your donation is in honor of Olive Jacqueline Waltenburg.  Be sure to include your mailing address and you will be mailed a tax deductible receipt.

Tammy, thank you for all of the phone calls, emails and especially for the sweet gift you sent for Olive!  You’re guidance and support have been so helpful and practical throughout this experience.

We are planning on holding a Celebration of Life in the near future to honor our little girl and will post details on our blog as soon as we have them.  Thank you so much to all of our family and friends who have and continue to take such good care of us through this experience.  We feel so loved.  =)